Melissa Erin Monahan, M.A., LCAT - New York State Licensed Psychotherapist
MKV Feather

Conscious Uncoupling

Private Coaching 

Created by New York Times best-selling author

Katherine Woodward Thomas, M.A., MFT
Conscious Uncoupling is...

Leaf A 5-Step process for how to end a romantic union in honorable, gracious and respectful ways;

Leaf A step-by-step road map for how to break up in a way that does minimal damage to all involved;

Leaf A clear guide for how separating couples can create new, cooperative, life-affirming agreements and structures that set everyone up to win moving forward.

"A Conscious Uncoupling is a break up that is characterized by goodwill, generosity and respect. It is a process that leaves parties feeling valued and appreciated for all the good that was experienced. It is a shared intention to minimize the damage they do to themselves, to each other and to their children."

~Katherine Woodward Thomas, M.A. MFT

New York Times best-selling author of

Conscious Uncoupling:
5 Steps to Living Happily Even After

With amazing clarity and depth, Katherine Woodward Thomas will take the splinter out of your soul and support you to end your relationship in a way that leaves you and those you care about whole and complete, rather than broken and damaged.

I love this book!”

~New York Times bestselling author Marci Shimoff

“Thomas proves herself compassionate and emotionally in-tune with the pain of love lost, and her guidance will likely usher many of those afflicted to a brighter, or at least less bitter, future.”

~Publishers Weekly

Conscious Uncoupling is a kind and compassionate guide on how to overcome break up grief and use it to transform and enrich your entire life. The process Katherine Woodward Thomas provides will not only help make your heart whole again, but will also ensure a positive, hopeful future for all involved.

A paradigm-shifting book that promises to up-level how we collectively do break ups moving forward.”

~John Gray, New York Times bestselling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

Katherine Woodward Thomas is my relationship guru. Her wisdom and guidance helped me clear all blocks to romantic freedom. Conscious Uncoupling will help you embrace the true meaning of forgiveness and restore your faith in love.”

                                            ~Gabrielle Bernstein, New York Times bestselling author of Miracles Now

Gwyneth Paltrow introduces Conscious Uncoupling

on her modern lifestyle website


Gwyneth Paltrow Letter

Conscious Uncoupling was made internationally famous when actress Gwyneth Paltrow and her former husband, musician Chris Martin, used the term to announce their divorce back in 2014 and, as Gwyneth says, “broke the Internet” in the process. 

conscious uncoupling

In addition to being a New York Times bestseller, Conscious Uncoupling is a clear and simple 5-step private coaching process that can empower anyone to have a loving, as well as kind, separation or divorce --- words not typically associated with a breakup.

 And this can happen even when only one person engages the Conscious Uncoupling process. 

The goal of a Conscious Uncoupling is never to sever the relationship. Many couples come to the work with the desire to remain friends and, especially if they share children, cooperative co-parents. 

 “Family structure can be reinvented and divorce doesn’t have to be devastating,” Paltrow has said. “It doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship with somebody. I think Chris and I were meant to be together and have our kids but our relationship is much better like this: friends and co-parents and family.”

Network Logos

"Conscious Uncoupling is not just a Gwyneth-ism…
[It’s] been around for years,

though under the radar—

well, until now.”

~Elle magazine



"Conscious Uncoupling...has now permeated the break-up culture. Instead of people approaching me with, 'Why did you say that?' they now approach me with, 'How do you do that?'

I started to wonder, as impossible as it sounded, whether there was a way we could continue to feel the structure of our family on some level. Could we create a paradigm whereby we still ate meals together? Vacation, even? Could we find levity and laugh? But more than that, could my ex continue to be a family member, someone who would continue to protect me, want the best for me? Could I be that for him?

The point of a break-up, if you have to go through it, is to grow. To use the opportunity to really look at yourself and heal broken patterns so you don't find yourself in the same situation again.

If spite blocks that process, being able to cultivate good feelings will encourage it. You loved your ex once and you probably still do, so keep those great qualities of theirs close to your heart.

Which leads me to the final and potentially most radical point: it’s OK to stay in love with the parts of your ex that you were always in love with. In fact, that’s what makes Conscious Uncoupling work.

Love all of those wonderful parts of them. They still exist, they can still make you feel the way you felt for that person.

Rather than shutting them out, lean into the unfamiliarity of those feelings and explore them.


We lose all the nuance of life when we make it all bad or all good. Even when they are young, children understand that love takes multiple forms.

I know my ex-husband was meant to be the father of my children, and I know my current husband is meant to be the person I grow very old with.

Conscious Uncoupling lets us recognise those two different loves can coexist and nourish each other."

~Gwyneth Paltrow (excerpted) in British VOGUE 

September 2020 Issue

Conscious Uncoupling Private Coaching

with Melissa

As a private coaching structure, Conscious Uncoupling begins with a formal (60-minutes) introductory session. If we decide the program is a fit for you at this time, what follows is a profoundly transformative process designed to release the trauma of a breakup, reclaim your power and reinvent your life.

You will be supported to heal the old painful relationship patterns as you begin to master the invaluable (and practical) skills of unconditional self-love. You will also be guided to "the root of the root" of what we call your Source Fracture (which is an unconscious false belief about who you are) as you lovingly transform breakup grief and step into the highest---and most authentic---version of yourself and your life.

What may otherwise be a time of heartache and disappointment can become a healing, liberating and even joyful experience.

***Very often, couples will choose to engage the Conscious Uncoupling process together. When this is the case, each person is required to go through the six-steps individually. Once both partners have completed their own six-session Conscious Uncoupling process with Melissa, there is the opportunity for joint work.***

Private Conscious Uncoupling Coaching Step-by-Step

Conscious Uncoupling Creed

Step One: Finding Emotional Freedom

~The first step in your Conscious Uncoupling process is to learn how to harness the energies of the wildly dark and difficult emotions you may be experiencing such as rage, hatred, fear, anxiety and despair.

~You will learn how to transform difficult emotions from destructive impulses to hurt yourself or others into constructive drivers of positive change.

~In this step, you will create the conditions for liberation beyond your old painful patterns  in love.

~You will awaken to your power to radically evolve how you live---and how you love.

Step Two: Reclaiming Your Power & Your Life

~In step two of your Conscious Uncoupling process, you'll let go of being a wounded victim of love.

~ You will shift your perspective away from blaming and shaming yourself (and others) to take personal responsibility for your part in what happened.

~You will identify the major way (or ways) you have been self-abandoning up until now. 

~By doing so, you'll begin to compassionately understand yourself as the source of your own suffering in a way that liberates you from ever repeating this dynamic again.

~You will be empowered to evolve beyond your disappointing patterns in love.

Step Three: Breaking the Pattern, Healing Your Heart

~In step three of your Conscious Uncoupling process, you'll be supported to see your "Source Fracture" story clearly.  

~You will understand how an unconscious false belief is at the root of your repetitive and painful relationship patterns.

~You will begin to develop your spiritually-connected loving adult self. 

~You will access your own personal source of unconditional love, wisdom, worthiness and guidance. 

~Perhaps for the first time, you will access the deeper truth of who you are. 

~You will identify new ways of being and relating that are in alignment with the deeper truth of who you are. 

Step Four: Becoming a Love Alchemist

~In step four of your Conscious Uncoupling process, you'll awaken to yourself as a powerful co-creator of your life.  

~Steeped in practicality, you will learn how to generate a positive future for yourself, as well as others, no matter how hurtful or hard things have been until now.

~You will be empowered to make choices and take actions that promise to graduate you from the painful patterns of your past.

~You will learn how to radically transform the dynamic between you and your former partner to reflect the truth of your value and power.

~In this step, you will also ensure that the life you're embracing will be greater than the one you're releasing.

Step Five: Creating Your Happily Even After Life

~In the fifth and final step of your Conscious Uncoupling process, you will be supported to make wise, healthy and life-affirming decisions as you take on the essential tasks of reinventing your life.

~You will set up vital new structures that allow you (and all involved) to thrive after this transition.

~No longer consumed by the loss of a love relationship, you will begin to access the beautiful life that is waiting for you on the other side of this grief.

~You will be guided in becoming an authentic and self-loving version of yourself capable of harmony with your former partner---as well as unprecedented new love. 

Private sessions are conducted on phone, Skype, Zoom

or FaceTime. 

Visit Our Contact Page 

 Advanced integration coaching is available for individuals and couples who have completed

the six-step Conscious Uncoupling process. 

Private sessions are conducted on phone, Skype, Zoom

or FaceTime. 

Visit Our Contact Page